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some spirits never die ....

These days my dreams are all jumbled - I swing from the past to the present - from our house on Lansdowne Road to our house at Garia. All in a state of turmoil and turbulence and like a whirlpool in my restless state of mind.
I always looked at writing being a catharsis - but writing is coming with a lot of difficulty. I get distracted and my mind wanders and then when I look at what I have written it just doesn't make sense. It's like the weather these days unpredictable and inconsistent.
The house suddenly seems empty and organized - and in many ways I am out of work. I look at the calendar and realize that a month back I had so much to do and the days and nights just slipped in and out..... Chibu's take was to move on , do things I wanted to do , travel , read and get back to my own life....He said that it is a closure - a closure to pain. For me the break in the routine is painful. Suddenly I  realize that I do not have to go back to Mainak  each evening after work and check up on Baba- do not have to check up on the doctors and the medicines, scold Sushil or break my head over whom Baba has given away yet another cheque. A closure to a part of my life- of being patient and impatient, of being a daughter and a mother, of treading on a path of exasperation and immense emotion. Of holding on and letting go.....
I dreamt of sitting near a river full of swimming crocodiles and waiting for Chibu - and woke up with a strange feeling. I dream of dolphins and sharks and elephants and try to decipher the hidden meaning. I have been trying in vain to find answers to the past and the future - knowing too well that there are no answers , no reason to the whys and each of us follow a path to our destiny.
And I hope Chibu has a new guardian angel- a protector and a confidante :) I am sure it will be the same story - when he called Chibu aside just to ask  " Teereesh takaye Beer kothaye peli re?"
Some things will never change !! And some spirits never die !!

Comments

  1. Abhishikta8 April 2015 at 21:34

    Chibu is an idiot.

    However, keep reminding yourself about the waltz that is happening in heaven! ^_^
    That should make them and you happy :*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tefltutor039 April 2015 at 01:18

      I do not know about the waltz, but I am sure he has found himself a fast , new chariot and taking all on a zooming ride - and his laugh is booming again :)

      Delete

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