Skip to main content

some spirits never die ....

These days my dreams are all jumbled - I swing from the past to the present - from our house on Lansdowne Road to our house at Garia. All in a state of turmoil and turbulence and like a whirlpool in my restless state of mind.
I always looked at writing being a catharsis - but writing is coming with a lot of difficulty. I get distracted and my mind wanders and then when I look at what I have written it just doesn't make sense. It's like the weather these days unpredictable and inconsistent.
The house suddenly seems empty and organized - and in many ways I am out of work. I look at the calendar and realize that a month back I had so much to do and the days and nights just slipped in and out..... Chibu's take was to move on , do things I wanted to do , travel , read and get back to my own life....He said that it is a closure - a closure to pain. For me the break in the routine is painful. Suddenly I  realize that I do not have to go back to Mainak  each evening after work and check up on Baba- do not have to check up on the doctors and the medicines, scold Sushil or break my head over whom Baba has given away yet another cheque. A closure to a part of my life- of being patient and impatient, of being a daughter and a mother, of treading on a path of exasperation and immense emotion. Of holding on and letting go.....
I dreamt of sitting near a river full of swimming crocodiles and waiting for Chibu - and woke up with a strange feeling. I dream of dolphins and sharks and elephants and try to decipher the hidden meaning. I have been trying in vain to find answers to the past and the future - knowing too well that there are no answers , no reason to the whys and each of us follow a path to our destiny.
And I hope Chibu has a new guardian angel- a protector and a confidante :) I am sure it will be the same story - when he called Chibu aside just to ask  " Teereesh takaye Beer kothaye peli re?"
Some things will never change !! And some spirits never die !!

Comments

  1. Abhishikta8 April 2015 at 21:34

    Chibu is an idiot.

    However, keep reminding yourself about the waltz that is happening in heaven! ^_^
    That should make them and you happy :*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tefltutor039 April 2015 at 01:18

      I do not know about the waltz, but I am sure he has found himself a fast , new chariot and taking all on a zooming ride - and his laugh is booming again :)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A holiday with self :)

A long overdue blog about the path that I was seeking , or did the path seek me out ? Over the years the sheen of belief was wearing off and I was beginning to question the master about the magic - about faith becoming commercial, about what Bhaskar stated, "This is all about money".  Packing my bags off and going solo isn't very uncommon in my life, but this time I was not on work per se. Checking-in into the Ashram, was on my bucket-list for ever-since, and it was an amazing experience. Despite the crowd, the ambiance just reverberated with a mix of reverence, energy , faith, hope, prayer - and questions too ! Like I mentioned before meditation was not about spiritual pyrotechnics, but a metaphor connected to life. Like the corner I chose had a vantage view of the stage and despite a stench that started emanating from the corner, I just could not leave that place, for the view that corner offered got me stuck there. Life is like that, we are often stuck in the rut , ...
14 comments
Read more

Morning bells are ringing ......

Heidi lived in Alps with her Alms uncle - I read this story in a book that was called The Big Big Story Book and it had a compilation of amazing stories that were my first foray into the world of English story books. Recently on a long flight I watched the movie much to delight of the young steward who was our attendant that night. My first glimpse of the Alps was from our flight ...the dawn breaking to spread the orange hues over the snowy terrain...looked mesmerizing even to someone who is not too fond of the mountains. Switzerland was beautiful, with its manicured terrain and flowers like pretty maids all in a row, picture perfect setting and breathtaking, like a touch me not porcelain beauty. Coming from my "elo melo" city I wondered how people managed to keep a country so organized , I have trouble keeping my room in ship shape...... No, I would not like to live there ......it's too distant and too cold ,but what I will carry in my heart is  the awesome time .......
10 comments
Read more

Chariots and moon :)

I was wondering  if little children pull the  rath still.... But I noticed my Facebook  timeline having quite a few pictures of smiling faces with their bedecked little chariots, much to my delight. In this digital chaos , somewhere these simple customs are lost , like a friend lamented this morning. Our parents bought us this crude do-tala rath and we decked it up with ghuri r kagoj and made The Trio sit in the prime position as we pulled the contraption from one room to the other offering the papad, math mishti and batasha ......The contraption rested for a week when the ritual was repeated on the ulto-rath day. And then there was also the Rath-er Mela , with it's stalls full of trinkets and baubles and bhepu banshi. Strangely, we also had a film magazine which was called "Ulto -Rath" and which was out of bounds for us as kids, thus building up on the curiosity quotient. The magazine honestly, wasn't much really, a few stories, gossips and black and white...
7 comments
Read more