Saturday, 30 December 2017

comfort zones

In the end you need a comfort corner, seat, zone or whatever you call it. To settle down, call it a day or just meditate. The corner may not be perfect but needs to make you feel at ease. Like relationships maybe. You need a book, a cup of coffee, a bit of light. They may be in the true sense or a metaphor! To a year that's closing in and to a year about to begin... To light and love and laughter.... cheers !
And to a year which was kind and unkind best of times and worst ! 
To life and death...Amen !

Saturday, 18 November 2017

swansong :)

What do you do when people step out of your life , without a goodbye ? And you keep wondering what if this had happened , what if that had happened......
May be you call it the swansong ? The last hurrah......or just a sigh before goodbye.
On swans...met these two today.  They followed me like two pet quacks....on my heel , as of  they have known me all my life. Everyone said swans are ill tempered and they bite and peck....but these two just followed me like the souls from bygone......comfortably and in perfect order!!!

Friday, 15 September 2017

Of arrival and departure !

Rain and roses always reminds me of the song Raindrops on roses and Maria. And of love on a rainy day.
Thanks to the android phone, I manage to take a rainy day picture just as the droplets hang from the petals.
Just like before the teardrops fall !

This rose bush like most of the plants in our unkempt garden , came from Bhagalpur, my ancestral Shoshurbari. And it was my father in law who would supervise the house and the garden. Giving instructions to the gardener, to his favorite Man Friday "Lokhkhidhor"( It's much later that  I discovered that his actual name was Lakhindor as in the Behula tale) The house these days is going to seed. My OCD works overtime, but my energy is showing signs of a car that is having starting trouble.
 And my writers' block is working overtime - and I could not complete the write up for our poojo souvenir. Writers' block did I say? I laughed at that - cos I am no writer , really!!! Just jotting down randomly and getting 50 likes does not make me a writer per se!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                     And the blue sky just reminds us that Pujo is just around -with the roads choc - a -bloc and the pandals blocking the thorough fare , this is actually my favorite time of the ye ar. This year for the first time in my life I shall in all likelihood stay all alone at Mainak - the three men in my life in three different places. A prospect I am not looking forward to but I cannot miss either, as this is the 40th year and since 1978 it has indeed been a journey that has covered more than half my lifetime. To the point of consensus amid discord for almost three generations, the Puja survived with all its rituals and spirit. And to echo Baba's loudest war cry at bishorjan ...."bolo Dugga mai ki ...Jai! Asche bochor abar hobe !"
And for so many things you aren't there !!!!

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Toote ga nehi to jude ga kaise ?

"So you live in Delhi?"
Overseas airports are strange places at night- strange,cold and impersonal, yet you meet people who mattered the most or at least did once upon a time. The  coffee vending machine whirred and I payed up the slot machine and filled my cup.
" You haven't changed much!"
 Is he being polite?
I smiled. I have changed from a girl to a middle aged lady, from a teenager to a grand mom...I have changed in many ways, yet it was nice to hear some  one say I haven't changed.
Though I cannot say the same for him....He looked changed and different- older, richer, balder except for his eyes! So I still remembered his eyes?I smiled again and he smiled back. Wonder what he is going on in his head.The warm coffee was a balm to the chill. And the last 45 minutes of bumping into a stranger whom I knew so well was a twist in the tale.
The WhatsApp pinged, " Hope you are awake...Drink your coffee and don't fall asleep - See you and soon!" - The fixer and the breaker. I was surprised at my own thought. Really time dulls so much. And I heard my flight being announced.
"See you again!"
A handshake , a brush on the cheek and I was on my way out. This time I was not tempted to turn back and take a last lingering look, cos I knew I was going home.

Friday, 31 March 2017

Pee, poo and period !!!!

This morning I watched a video going viral- on periods and all things related to the taboo. I am amazed that in the days of open relationships, open sex and all other openness why do we still wrap it all in a whisper?
I remember when my peer group started theirs and how it was a matter of being the privileged one with the cramps, sit outs in the games class and and discussing the color of Stayfree. One by one my friends all belonged  to the club, all except me - I was considered the baby and not to be taken into the inner wheel of the red young ladies. Being fed up of being the outcast, I faked chum to be with my bumchums !!!! I faked cramps, sit outs in the PT class, though I hated it, and spoke about imaginary stayfrees !!!! It's a different matter that I finally started my periods while I was almost 13 and almost 2 years later than my friends. The periods of course made Ma look red - she was forever worried that me being me I should not shout in glee!!! Her sermons were long and tiring that included the fact that I should sit quietly and not wear shorts and certainly not stain them!!!
I remember that I was in Benaras when I stepped into womanhood, and the first person I blurted out to was Baba, when he came to receive us at the Howrah Station much to ma's horror and no amount of pinching would make me stop from giving in all the gory details. Baba being baba, said " Doshshi meye ta to boro hoye gyalo!!"
I stopped at 50 just short of my birthday after a surgery at the same OT where my son was born. I don't think I was sad to let it go...Menopause has it's freedom whatever you say !!!!
And if pee, poo is no taboo then why Whisper about period?  Period !!!!

Friday, 24 March 2017

Mr Mole

UNITED KINGDOM - CIRCA 1979: A stamp printed in Great Britain shows The Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame), circa 1979And we have been living with this big,fat, stinky mole since God knows when. It has a way of finding a way in the house and digging into the kitchen bin despite me putting up all kinds of barricades at all the probable entrances.

This mole is certainly not cute and civil like the Mr Mole of Wind in the willows - Chibu's regular bed time read when he was a child - but this one is squeaky, noisy and poos at all odd corners and beats the pest control at all cost. Last night as I pushed the pedal of the kitchen bin with my foot , out jumps the creature on my foot and slid under the gad burner, while I screamed down the neighbourhood. Bhaskar probably thought I was having some kind of an attack and before he opened his mouth it was " What kind of fauji were you? You cannot even protect me from a wonder we had infiltrators....bla bla bla..." I raved and ranted....The mole peeped out and looked at B....." Ahhh look at his size and yours... He must be petrified of you....just like me!!!" The last was under his breath as he locked out the mole and the kitchen door .  Ode to all things big and small......

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

" But you don't say I love you anymore"- He complained as he watched her tinker around with the Sunday chores.
She sighed .... "I love you, do I have to say that? I keep your house sparkling, pillows fluffed and combs clean! Doesn't that show that I care ? What is love anyway?"
He sulked and she grimaced.
Life brings in that  monotony where love takes a backseat amid Sunday cleaning, shopping for the week, overseeing kids projects to be submitted and parent visits. She went into the kitchen and thought about it . I love you - how easy it was when they were dating , writing notes to each other and texting and saying sweet nothings out of the air. So where has love gone? She peeked at the mirror that she was polishing with a piece of wet newspaper - umm not out of the magazine cover surely and certainly not a person who will turn heads anymore!
Another sigh! It's been so long that she actually looked after herself, thought about what she wanted and did something just for herself. Putting others before self has almost become a habit.
"So where is the me ? The spontaneous, give two hoots to what others say, the carefree me?"
She put down the piece of wet paper , straightened her dress and patted her hair and walked back to the room where he was engrossed in the cricket match.
-" Let's go for a movie !"
-" It's a touch and go situation here. Come on.....come on ...INDIAAAAA" His eyes never left the screen.
Sigh and sigh ........and she finished her chores and picked up her mobile and booked a spa. A bit of guilt here as a thought crossed that the money could have been used somewhere else. But then again today is the best day - with the kids away at grandparents,and him being glued to the TV, this was the best chance to indulge herself.
As she picked up her purse, the pen fell out - and on a spur of the moment she scribbled "I love you....still" on a piece of paper and stuck it on the fridge
And this time instead of the usual sigh, she smiled....for in that instant she found the self that she had lost in time.
Happy Women's Day to all - though a day is not enough to dedicate to what we give a life time :)