Hey You !

This frame still remains at my room in Mainak. This was in 1989, the time that Bubu and Lipi got married, four years after us. In our household anniversary always takes a back seat , cos I always back track on celebrations....what is there to celebrate ? :D That's my usual refrain...I am ready to celebrate birthdays, happy days, rose days anyday instead....... Even now I am not sure what to say- a strange phenomena cos I am rarely short of words. Crossing 30 years wasn't easy- but it wasn't difficult either as an afterthought.  It wasn't a smooth sailing , but it wasn't a standstill either . Corny as it may sound it still is in many ways like the Shirley Bassey song :)

Rose Day also happens to be my Father-in -laws birthday and it is a coincidence that the rose bush just outside my window has blossomed into a multitude of  crimson blooms. Sitting with my mid-morning coffee and watching the spider weaving an intricate web around the leaves and thorns I could actually feel the spring in the air- the touch of warmth , the cuckoo calling  and FM talking about the V-day approaching. Not that it matters to me- I am more a voyeur than a participant in many ways. My father -in -law veered in the present and the far and the very far down the memory lane - talking about elephants to cheer me up maybe. I am still not sure how I feel actually - I still am  not sad and not happy either. I am little numb , a little dazed and I still feel am a spectator watching a film that is unfolding and I am hoping it will end the way I want it to end. But life I know is unpredictable - and the "kirdaar"s are not my marionettes. And leaving Chibu at the airp...

These days my household is on a departure mode- half packed suitcases, clothes , knick-knacks and frayed temper. The last one month and a half had been a tumultuous one , with me looking out for a silver lining everyday- Bhaskar pushing me out of the house at times to get me out of the brooding mode - All of us living in our isles of misery...though I always said this will not last and misery like medicine comes with an expiry date... And now it's time for us to leave the nest one by one - me with a heavy heart for a change. Chibu's expressions are inscrutable, it's difficult to guess what's going in his head. Bhaskar is  uncertain. The nest will have the fledgling gone...and I am sad , happy, uncertain , numb and in a myriad state of confusion. I always thought I was the eagle mum- hardcore when it's time for fledglings to fly....but with the test approaching I have a feeling  I will fail miserably.....