Thursday, 7 April 2016

And if you leave me too.....

I changed my FB DP to a solo pic after eons. I guess it's time to let it go...Store away the memory and move on with the times. 
Some memories die a natural death and some a sudden death. 
I stood in front of 1/11 B Maqbool Alam Road in a state of shock. Those 3 minutes were like eternity when I realized that my childhood memories are lost forever. 
I had  always wondered who lived in that bungalow where I had spent all my childhood vacations. I  often wondered if I went back. will  someone allow me to lift the shutter of the iron gate and let me take a peek at the "Champa gaach" , under which I used to build pebble houses and played with my dolls.And where we found a  snake coiled into a roll one morning much to everyone's horror!!
We had a neighbor who went by the name of "Aloo". And we had a neighborhood school called "Bal Niketan"run by a lady called Suchitra , who dropped her surname because she was married to a Muslim , and the status used to be still unacceptable in those days. 
On our way to Sarnath, I could suddenly recognize the locality from the broken board that said Maqbool Alam Road. The turn showed a school that went by the name Mannat Convent and I wondered if it was Suchitra aunty's school reborn with the times and re-named ....while my eyes eagerly scanned for  my childhood memories . The park , which was once spanking clean had broken railings and the pretty bungalow where we stayed now was a concrete 3 storied Income Tax office. 
I wanted to take pictures, but was so shocked that I forgot - and I realized suddenly I have no one to share my memories with.
Last time when I visited Benaras in 2013 , I had shown Baba the pictures of the Sonarpura house , where Budhababa and mamomi stayed and where Didi stayed till her end. Baba had asked me about the cantonment bungalow, but I did not have the time to travel that far. This time though I found the house I realized no one will understand how the rose tinted glass shattered.....

But Benaras is not about sadness  really - it is about co-existence, about finding a new beginning amid the despair. Finding life in the decay and about shedding away those silent tears with the flow of the Ganges and lighting a candle for hope.......


  1. sigh... Life is all about letting go...

  2. Some memories are so sweet that we wish that they linger on forever..yet the reality bites us hard n harsh..