Of pains and gains......

I live with pain these days - literally ! My knees, my joints , my wrist , my heart .... it's not a happy existence , but I live through it all- partying , movies , friends, reunions , award ceremonies, limping through and not giving in to the different degrees of pain.
2015 has been a year of goodbyes- Too many of them . Mostly painful - some had to be that way and a few conscious.
Saying goodbye , or partial goodbye to work has been a conscious decision. People around me think I am too young to quit, give up on the money - sustain my lifestyle and live with this doing- nothing- asking -for -nothing mode. I do not know it myself - it's just another experiment , another mid life blue , when I do not want to run with the time, after moolah and after expectations!
Tall order that - but I see life with it's sell by date is passing me by. At times I ask myself what do I live for ? And I realize I did not do so much cos I was waiting for the right time and it never happened. I still have a lot to learn from Baba - who would just take off because he wanted to despite his debility. He lived by his wishes and his will and had that never say die spirit !
I realize that a lot of dreams remain dreams and in many ways I am lucky that a lot of mine have come true. Especially when you can sit with the mellow sunshine warming your toes and you have a book on your lap and a steaming coffee by your side. I smiled when Sid exclaimed, " I want to be this now , and not when I am 50 !" Ah yes ... mellow, mid-life, meditative....and a room perpetually smelling of Moov ! It has its plus and minus.
Whatever it is .....to a new beginning! 2016!
Even if it is a beginning without the person who meant the most to me......

Comments

A holiday with self :)

A long overdue blog about the path that I was seeking , or did the path seek me out ? Over the years the sheen of belief was wearing off and I was beginning to question the master about the magic - about faith becoming commercial, about what Bhaskar stated, "This is all about money". Packing my bags off and going solo isn't very uncommon in my life, but this time I was not on work per se. Checking-in into the Ashram, was on my bucket-list for ever-since, and it was an amazing experience. Despite the crowd, the ambiance just reverberated with a mix of reverence, energy , faith, hope, prayer - and questions too ! Like I mentioned before meditation was not about spiritual pyrotechnics, but a metaphor connected to life. Like the corner I chose had a vantage view of the stage and despite a stench that started emanating from the corner, I just could not leave that place, for the view that corner offered got me stuck there. Life is like that, we are often stuck in the rut , ...

Morning bells are ringing ......

Heidi lived in Alps with her Alms uncle - I read this story in a book that was called The Big Big Story Book and it had a compilation of amazing stories that were my first foray into the world of English story books. Recently on a long flight I watched the movie much to delight of the young steward who was our attendant that night. My first glimpse of the Alps was from our flight ...the dawn breaking to spread the orange hues over the snowy terrain...looked mesmerizing even to someone who is not too fond of the mountains. Switzerland was beautiful, with its manicured terrain and flowers like pretty maids all in a row, picture perfect setting and breathtaking, like a touch me not porcelain beauty. Coming from my "elo melo" city I wondered how people managed to keep a country so organized , I have trouble keeping my room in ship shape...... No, I would not like to live there ......it's too distant and too cold ,but what I will carry in my heart is the awesome time .......

rain on me .....

And the rains came....after days of heat, sweat and grime, suddenly everything looked washed clean , like freshly soaped linen ! The droplets hung on the leaves and the single rose in the bush, and the car got badly sprayed with mud....but who cares ? The sound of rain is the best music I heard in a long long time. And I could finally spot the elusive squirrel that was making a racket all these days and I just hoped the cat doesn't kill the squirrel.... It is a dog eat dog world...both the kittens died, one killed by the dog and the other run over. Only last Monday I was watching them frolic as I sipped my tea. Terrorism and unmindful killings do not have a boundary, from my garden to the world outside , no one is safe anymore. Just the other day I was thinking , these kittens are safe within the four walls of the garden and good that they have learnt to climb trees....but I did not foresee that they too would venture out. And my Tarot prediction on Facebook was ...

Hey You !

Search This Blog