Skip to main content

Reluctant Mother

The much hyped Mothers' Day is over - and I can breathe easy. People can call me jealous, cos my son unlike the others is not so fastidious about wishing me and I have no one I can wish. He woke up at 1 in the afternoon and wished.....after a few reminders I am sure.
Back in school we used to have "Mothers' Day" - a day when the mothers came to see their children perform on stage. Once I was in the orchestra playing the triangle, and as we marched out I tried to look beyond the spotlight trying to find ma behind that darkness in the hall full of mothers. Ma always laughed as she narrated how I stopped on the tracks and looked for her and was nudged by the others.
Coming back myself , I began as a reluctant mother. Life for me was a breeze, parties, part time jobs, going out , travels, who wanted to be tied down to a crying baby and changing diapers?It took me almost five and a half years, two miscarriages and a major session of counselling to realize that I should go for the baby. 
Chibu wasn't an easy baby  - the first night he kept the ward awake till the nurse smuggled some tinned milk and fed him to keep his mouth shut - then he went down with physiological jaundice and was taken for phototherapy, sharing the space with two other ladies, with their crotch tied up with sanitary napkins (of all things ) and then he had dehydration with the fonatel dipping in like a spoon.  Not an easy task for a new mom who was getting used to the sleepless nights and a heavy dose of postpartum blues. 
Life wasn't easy - giving up on the movies and the books - the outings and the adda and getting into the routine of inoculation and boiling bottles and timing my sleep around the baby's sleeping hours and finishing my work while the mite slept.....And just when I was getting used to all this Chibu went down with Pneumonia. It  was a morning and I watched in horror as Chibu turned blue and we had to rush him to the hospital. Bhaskar was trying his best to keep the semblance and comforted me by saying "We will still have each other". And then it dawned upon me that I might lose the life that I was cuddling - and the thought cut through my heart like a cold knife and my first reaction was "What the hell are you saying ?" I guess that's the first time I realized once a mother always a mother and I have to fight for the mite come what may....
Chibu proved to be fighter and came out after a month long stay at the hospital and I took over the role of a full fledged harried mom. 
Bhaskar always says that these "Special "days are creations of Archies - to sell their cards before the e-card took over.And in my household no one believes in celebrations much. Once I tried to explain the day to Mamam, who was amazed that it's not a birthday, or an anniversary...."Ma hoibo, ta go abar din lage naki?" (To become a mother , do you need a day?) Logic indeed - try contending that!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being an eagle mum!

I always told this story to my trainees. About being the Eagle mum. An eagle mum prepares the nest in two layers, first downy feathers and below that,the thorns. When it is time to fly she removes the downy feathers so that the fledglings who refuse to fly fall on the thorns and that makes them flap n fly away! Bhaskar always calls is cruelty, the bojjat mommy! But to me its a way to push one out of the comfort zone, for the world waits beyond! My kiddos moved out to their own place today. And despite being an eagle mum, I kind of miss the chatter. I knew in my heart I would miss having them around... But they need to find their wings!
Post a Comment
Read more

The road may be narrow and dark

This write up came back with a note of regret – for not being able to make to the next round in the competition, to the editor's table. Well, this is the first time I competed , that is if I do not count the House Competition essay writing, where I came second after Champa. Actually I do not why I took part – chance, curiosity or plain gambling …..because writing for me has always been a catharsis – an expression that I can share …..So no regrets , really! The road may be narrow and dark…….. It was 1983 and life with Baba always veered on the unexpected and the adventurous. Like that road trip from Kolkata to Delhi via Agra. We had this faithful Ambassador that took us on this journey with Baba at the helm and our cleaner Kalipada as his first assistant. I was the official navigator and Giri uncle, my father’s friend, in charge of our ummm, let’s say security, since me and my cousin Dimpi, both all of 18,  needed an escort , officially. Baba always liked the un-tr
12 comments
Read more

A holiday with self :)

A long overdue blog about the path that I was seeking , or did the path seek me out ? Over the years the sheen of belief was wearing off and I was beginning to question the master about the magic - about faith becoming commercial, about what Bhaskar stated, "This is all about money".  Packing my bags off and going solo isn't very uncommon in my life, but this time I was not on work per se. Checking-in into the Ashram, was on my bucket-list for ever-since, and it was an amazing experience. Despite the crowd, the ambiance just reverberated with a mix of reverence, energy , faith, hope, prayer - and questions too ! Like I mentioned before meditation was not about spiritual pyrotechnics, but a metaphor connected to life. Like the corner I chose had a vantage view of the stage and despite a stench that started emanating from the corner, I just could not leave that place, for the view that corner offered got me stuck there. Life is like that, we are often stuck in the rut ,
13 comments
Read more