Hey You !

The idea was actually Abhishikta's - on  one of those chats when we exchanged about "Ah men !" :) Since my colleagues are mostly 20s and 30s the "love" factor is often discussed. There take is that old people do not fall in love - and I fall in that old category ! My indignant "Why not?" got drowned in Sid's flat statement " Tumi ki oi shob hyapa nebe naki ? Dibbi toh achcho - independent , free !" Ah men ....they can fall in and out and roll all over , so why can't we? The age  old debate.... A childhood friend recently broke up on his marriage of 30 years. I never thought he would be able to walk out and live with his girlfriend openly and not hide it- I never thought he would have the guts to make her socially acceptable. I was saddened by the break , but then being non judgmental I accepted his decision without much "Why did you and how could you?"s !!! But at times I do wonder what would have happened if the scenari...

My first thought of the earthquake on Saturday was that I will not have to evacuate Baba .Of course that was a sense of relief... Later as the news poured in I again wondered about the transitoriness of life- and the power of natural calamity. How life perishes in one single blow. We dream of this and that and make our choices - bicker and fight all for no reason. The earthquake also made me think of choices ... Of wanting to live the way I want to, to do what I want to and not think Oh I will do it tomorrow ....Read all the books that are piled on my bedside , all the movies that I haven't watched and visit people and places that are forever on the to -do list. It occurred to me that I just have the choice to do what I want to do...without looking back, without a remorse. It reminded me of a time when Chibu all of 7 was playing for a selection game of a cricket match. The ball hit his bat and went for a catch and he was not selected . He came back home and sat in a corner ...

Of late there is nothing happy to write about -  My social life even with Bhaskar's prodding refuses to take off.  I keep thinking of watching a movie, catching up with friends  or go off on a holiday ..but nothing happens. I am at a standstill phase watching the merry -go -round spinning away..... Well , I am sure Baba would not approve of this - he who loved life and lived every moment and called his gang "amra chele ra" would say "dhoosh..shobai ki aar chiiro kaal benche thakbe ?"to the incessant mourning in my heart. Though he did come back in my dreams and held me tight as I cried buckets holding him tight , while he prepared to go away talking about the clothes and knick-knacks that he will take with him standing in front of his room at Mainak.  I cried the way I could not cry because we did not want my father-in -law to know that Baba was gone that morning. I cried from my heart because I won't see him again , hold him tight - fight with him and f...

These days my dreams are all jumbled - I swing from the past to the present - from our house on Lansdowne Road to our house at Garia. All in a state of turmoil and turbulence and like a whirlpool in my restless state of mind. I always looked at writing being a catharsis - but writing is coming with a lot of difficulty. I get distracted and my mind wanders and then when I look at what I have written it just doesn't make sense. It's like the weather these days unpredictable and inconsistent. The house suddenly seems empty and organized - and in many ways I am out of work. I look at the calendar and realize that a month back I had so much to do and the days and nights just slipped in and out..... Chibu's take was to move on , do things I wanted to do , travel , read and get back to my own life....He said that it is a closure - a closure to pain. For me the break in the routine is painful. Suddenly I  realize that I do not have to go back to Mainak  each evening after work a...