And I need to move on....
It has been a tough year for me- but again trials are like endurance tests- you grit your teeth, go with the flow, try to keep your head above the water level and keep thinking of something good waiting for you when this is over! Tough but it keeps you going.....
And I want Baba to be normal- it breaks my heart to see him frail, gasping for breath and all fazed out...I keep telling him stories of my friends and how they are praying for him...of Darjeeling in 84 and showed him the pictures of the road trip from Kolkata- Jaipur in 1983...the only thing he remembered was Ma falling sick after having tap water....and said "Ma j ki kore...." in present tense! Will I be able to nurse him back? Will his laugh boom again? He laughed last when I had said that he cannot leave now..cos the life saving injection had cost him 41k....."poisha othate hobe, topkale cholbe na !!"
And despite everything I am carrying a lot of luggage ......And maybe it's time to let it go...
"After boarding a bus or train, you won’t carry the luggage, will you? You will put it down. Likewise, surrender everything to God. He will protect you. Have the thought that God is near you. If there is a place to rest nearby, the mere thought of unloading the luggage which we are carrying lessens the weight of the burden. If we think that there is no place to rest, then the baggage seems heavier. In the same way, when we think that God is near, all our burdens diminish." -Amma
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