Skip to main content

"If only"

Coming back to my room at "Mainak " always brings back nostalgia in some form or the other . It was Ma's birthday today- she would have been 73! We celebrated - with cakes and snacks....celebrated life ! Baba took out an old album of our Delhi / Jaipur trip..and it was memories of another day ...
Found this poem from my old diary.. an excerpt from Arthur Hailey's Overload ...a book I read so long ago and almost forgot !

 Tell him from one who knows: 
A spluttering candlestick
Though burning dimly 
Is brighter by far 
Than cimmerman darkness
For life ,
On whatever turns 
Outranks oblivion
Yes !The "if  only"s do persist forever
As hovering wraith-like and used up wishes
Their after burners spent 
"If only " this or that 
On such and such day
Had varied by an hour or an inch,
Or something neglected had been done
Or something done had been neglected!
Then "perhaps"the other might have been
The other others....to infinity
For "perhaps" and "if only" s are first cousins
Addicted to survival in our minds 
Accept them
And all else.

Amid all else saw "Talaash" ...an Amir starrer that disappointed ! But must say I liked the pathos of the young couple losing their child and the "if only"s that tormented ....Life is so full of them....for each end there is a beginning ....

Comments

  1. Mona Sen3 December 2012 at 00:33

    A nice read Amrita... May god bless u and may you cherish Maa's memories always with the same sweetness. in this context i must say that "If only" and "Perhaps" visit us all the time..we would never be able to cope with ..as the poet says we must learn to accept and cherish the memories of the past...
    A few seconds ago

    ReplyDelete
  2. Abhishikta3 December 2012 at 00:54

    "Accept them
    And all else."
    such lovely lines :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. tefltutor033 December 2012 at 03:39

    Thanks Mona, yes life is full of them...thanks for the wishes..true,
    memories are sweet , even the sadness is comforting when you remember ma !
    Abhishikta , thanks ..I guess it applies now more with the exams looming :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A holiday with self :)

A long overdue blog about the path that I was seeking , or did the path seek me out ? Over the years the sheen of belief was wearing off and I was beginning to question the master about the magic - about faith becoming commercial, about what Bhaskar stated, "This is all about money".  Packing my bags off and going solo isn't very uncommon in my life, but this time I was not on work per se. Checking-in into the Ashram, was on my bucket-list for ever-since, and it was an amazing experience. Despite the crowd, the ambiance just reverberated with a mix of reverence, energy , faith, hope, prayer - and questions too ! Like I mentioned before meditation was not about spiritual pyrotechnics, but a metaphor connected to life. Like the corner I chose had a vantage view of the stage and despite a stench that started emanating from the corner, I just could not leave that place, for the view that corner offered got me stuck there. Life is like that, we are often stuck in the rut , ...
13 comments
Read more

The 3 men in my life!

That's a strange caption I chose ! But for me,  am in a sentimental nostalgic mood - It's not easy for me to watch, as the first man around whom my world revolved stumble, totter and be spaced out ! Of course his spirit is still strong and I ensure that he is never left alone or lonely ,but I guess I can't...in the end he is alone with his thoughts! Of course I am talking of Baba ! He still is my priority at times over Bhaskar , who suffers silently . Baba and Bhaskar can still be jealous over each other when I buy something for one and leave the other out. So it has been a habit now to buy 2 identical things for the two, cos I know they will end up comparing ! The third one is going to be 21 in two days time ! And aren't I glad that he has grown up ! I was not really the best of smoochie-woochie -baby -talkie mothers ! I guess that's the reason why Chibu still feels embarrassed when hugged ! But at times I am amazed that 21 years flew by...I still can remember ...
10 comments
Read more

Sepia times

 In recent times FB has come up with a new challenge that has everyone posting pictures in black and white- The B&W challenge had everyone using some app and changing the DP to that era. Cleaning my parents apartment, is always a voyage on a time machine  for me - Strange how the people are gone and the objects remain- like that arm chair , once my grandmother's  favorite then my father's ! I recently remodeled my grandparents double bed, more out of sentiment than anything else.  And then, this was Victoria Memorial in an original two colored snap. Of course it is now a fad to Prisma or Photoshop or play with an app to bring back the sepia days. Among the many memorabilia , I discovered Dadu's MB certificates - Dadu was sauve, westernized and very social. The story goes that when he went to see my mother for the first time, he wanted fork and spoon saying that at home they used cutlery at the table, and my Didi actually had the table laid out accordingl...
8 comments
Read more